What is perfection?
Most of us strive for it but never fully attain it because we’re human and because the idea of perfection is so intangible.
Is it being better than or having more than someone else or does perfection lie in one’s behavior, actions and conscience?
It seems to me as if society measures perfection by accomplishment but I believe a truer measurement lies in our attitudes and conduct, including being honest about ourselves.
I struggle with my self confidence a lot because I tend to succumb to society’s version of what “perfect” is. I see myself as falling short if I don’t perform as well as others or have as much.
When I’m working on my blog, I try my hardest to stay grounded until I go on the Internet and suddenly see hundreds of great looking informative blogs that seem better than mine. Its intimidating and makes me feel inferior when I compare my work to others.
Fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who sees perfection in ways I sometimes can’t.
When I recently told him about my insecurities, he said he thought my quirkiness and personal foibles made for interesting stories and that he valued originality.
He ventured that having a successful blog is about more than having a professionally made logo, being an authority on something or landing an early placement in the search results. He said personal stories can’t be stolen or duplicated.
He also likes my stick figure drawings.
The pep talk brought me back to my senses.
I understand hard work is necessary to build a successful blog or no one will see it but I’m going to concentrate on seeing myself and my blog as perfect the way they are.
Perfection is ultimately subjective and if we see it as being human, we’re already there.
In my quest to better myself and my life, I’ve decided to take up meditation and in my husband’s quest for mushrooms (no, not psychedelics), he stumbled upon a whopper.
A Giant Western Puffball eight inches in diameter weighing nine pounds.
It looks eerily like a human skull and it’s now in my freezer.
I’ve known about puffballs for years and have collected and cooked them but I had no idea we had these enormous masses growing in the Pacific Northwest. They are edible and taste and feel much like tofu from what I’ve read.
We put it on Craigslist.
As for meditation, I need to learn how to shut out the gunshots as my neighbor is target shooting.
I’m interested in rewiring my brain and apparently meditation helps to accomplish that. I previously saw it as a “hippy” thing to do but there’s research now that shows it’s super effective in changing for the better.
Meditating temporarily disengages your mind with the subconsciousness making it easier to replace negative with positive attitudes.
I’m starting off with short intervals that I can do while the neighbor reloads.
What you WON’T find here.
If you’re looking for authoritative pieces on this and that – keep looking.
You see, I’m no authority on just about everything. What you’ll find here are my personal experiences, thoughts on things, and some poetry with odd themes such as solar power and Halloween.
I’m the first one to admit I’m not perfect. I have a really bad anger problem along with depression and anxiety.
Neither me nor my husband have our shit together by any stretch of the imagination. When we made the big move from our suburban home to a wildly different setting, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to talk about it but I am not offering advice because I probably shouldn’t.
We are self-professed eccentrics; responsible people wannabes. We’re secure enough with ourselves to admit we envy others who seem to have perfect lives. We are the ones who show up at the farmers market to sell something only to discover the seller down the row has four times the inventory, professionally displayed with matching business cards (that really happened).
I’d like to think that we represent the archetypal underdog -that part of our collective consciousness that we hide from each other’s view. I hope that by being honest about ourselves, we can reassure others who suffer from less-than-perfect syndrome.
As a matter of fact, we like being a little off. We’re intelligent and kind and we revel in our off-ness. We are castaways on The Island Of Misfits. In a nutshell, we have low self-esteem but we also think we’re pretty cool. Reconcile that.
I think we all struggle with the idea that we have aspects of ourselves we love and some we loath and they have to occupy the same space in our heads. Just stay on your own sides of the room.
So we’re not perfect, and we didn’t have the picture-perfect display when I sold necklaces at the farmer’s market. We’re the kind of people who’ll use duct tape when we’re supposed to be using electrical. Why?
Because we either can’t afford it, don’t want to do it the right way or don’t know how.
We were the last ones to know.
Last week, our new neighbor of one whole month approached me out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to cut down our trees on the edge of our property or have him do it so he could move the cul-de-sac we share thirty-feet over and onto our property.
He was very casual about it – like it was a matter of an overhanging branch that needed to come down or something. It felt more like a shock-and-awe maneuver as this was the first I’d been clued into his plans.
I told him I would need to talk to my husband about the matter and I practically sprinted to the RV with the bad news. My husband was just as floored as me. We felt so blind-sided we couldn’t think straight.
Were we over-reacting or should we be wary of this person?
We scheduled a legal consultation and here’s what happened: Our neighbor had done his own survey and discovered the existing easement road was fifteen feet to the side of where it is shown on the survey so he decided he was going to move it – without consulting with us first. The road, however, has been in it’s current location for decades and would most likely be considered an implied easement and remain in place.
To add to the confusion, the easement is also described as being the existing road in other parts of the same legal documents which would make it legally in the right spot. The contradiction might warrant another look by the attorneys to be sure.
We were advised that the proposed change would be to our detriment and the neighbor’s benefit. We would be the only ones out of the three property owners who shared the easement road who stood to lose acreage if it was relocated. A judge might take that into consideration if this ever goes to court.
The attorneys told us that it would save everyone a lot of money to negotiate rather than go through litigation. We could even propose a sum for the use of our property as an option.
Armed with this basic real-estate legal knowledge, we’ve decided to just watch and wait and hope the neighbor doesn’t push for this after we leave him a note informing him of our stance.
I could live without a freeway in my front yard.
Cosmic meaning in slingshot balls.
Little white marbles – four hundred of them – lost.
Out into the trees, into the ditch, under layers of pine needles and behind clumps of dirt. Like gold, they quickly find their way to the deepest recesses where I can barely see them. When I run out, it’s time to forage.
One day while I was wandering around looking for the balls, the act of concentrating seemed to put me into a trance. I became contemplative and wondered if the universe communicates to us through symbols and if so, could I learn something from rambling around looking for marbles?
What if each ball represented a truth? Then the following might apply:
- They are sometimes easier to find in the darkness rather than the light.
- The harder you look for them the more they seem to elude you.
- Sometimes they are right in front of you and you don’t see them.
- Sometimes you walk right over them only to spot them when looking from a different perspective.
- Some get buried in the dirt but they still remain visible if you look closely enough.
- They are all around you but you don’t always see them.
- They seem to appear magically in front of you with the right frame of mind.
- Just when you think you’ve found them all there are always more.
- Although they seem lost forever, they are there, somewhere. Or are they?
- Are they there when observed and gone when not?
- They are more visible with an open mind.
- Some travel farther than others.
- Picking them out of the pine needles can hurt.
- You can drive yourself crazy looking for them in the snow or you can be patient and wait till Spring when they will reveal themselves.
- Where the hell do the ones I never find go? Does some gopher have a living room full of them?
Do you think I’m crazy? 🙂