The Winter Garden

The Winter Garden

Silent and still, the garden sleeps.
Crooked fence posts stand sentry, starkly contrasted against the brilliant landscape.
A single glass totem sits, tilted and topped with snow. Temporarily forgotten.
Barbed wire sags lazily, resting in wait of it’s required vigilance.
Remnants of ragged twine dangle loosely, motionless.
Brittle and greyed corn husks defy the authority of the commanding white mantel, escaping it’s grip by inches, in denial of their demise, unaware of the life they shield at their feet.
Folding topography of ripples and mounds an intimation of the graves of last year’s remains.
Tatters of tomato vines and pea plants leech nutrients into the soil, preparing a bed for their progeny.
Seeds slumber under the shimmering arm of winter, sheltered from harm.
Life quietly awaits instruction from the Almighty God to resume.

How Do I Write?

It’s 7:45 am in the morning and I’m sitting at my computer looking at the smudges all over the screen, wondering if that’s an extra period I’ve added or a speck of food. It’s a touch screen and the first time I cleaned it I had to wait twenty minutes for the commands I accidentally activated to process.

Imagine just finishing a blog post and the commands deleting the whole thing, writing an entire new post that was pure Shakespearian, and publishing it; all while you look on helplessly.

Or maybe my cat could walk across the keyboard and accomplish the same thing.

Our fifth wheel has about a foot of snow on the top and I’m wondering how my husband and I are going to shovel all it off. I hope the ceiling doesn’t cave in while I’m writing yet I’m choosing to sit down and blog rather than get out there with the heavy equipment and clean up literally tons of snow. Easy choice, actually.

I love to write but being just months in, it’s daunting. I’m trying to find my sea legs and thrashing about every time I get washed overboard, which happens a lot.

 As I  paddle around in circles, I’m realizing just how much I don’t  know about writing. Did you know there are curly as opposed to straight quotation marks? And double and smart ones? I didn’t until yesterday when I downloaded a proofreader. I was having so much trouble finding a transition from one paragraph to another the other day I gave up and just wrote “segue” between the paragraphs.

Ever wonder if you’re the worst, least professional writer in existence? I do on a daily basis. I  suspect I may not be the only one.

I ran the proofreading tool on my last blog post and I didn’t understand what the thing was telling me to correct. I feel like an amateur but I was buoyed by a blog post I read yesterday by The Art Of Blogging.

It featured a book by Stephen King on writing. I liked the part about failure the most. I feel much better knowing that is a part of the writing process and to expect it.  If Stephen King failed and is still with us (boy is he ever), then I stand a chance.

I want to learn how to write better. I want to find my particular style. I want people to want to read my blog. Every once in a while I get frustrated and consider walking away but I immediately dismiss the thought because I love to write.

Most of all, I want to find my style.  I currently rotate between what I call my boring style to humorous, then some poetry with weird subject matter, to super descriptive, and the emotional stuff.  My favorite is the humorous.

I want to perfect the art of humorous writing more than any other style. I want to write like Jean Sheppard of A Christmas Story fame. That’s my biggest bestest aspiration. Funny words.

As far as cleaning up the roof of our RV, I’m already looking for a humorous angle.

Nine Lives Before Christmas

A catastrophe.

Nine lives before Christmas and in the RV, two felines were climbing up my Christmas tree

The lights and the baubles I’d hung up with care, strewn wall to wall not a single one spared

Shredded remains of my prized Christmas cactus, total destruction they’ve had lots of practice

They found the pine cones left a trail of debris, nothing was spared in the wake of their spree

Forget wrapping presents dispense with the bows, the effort is useless the gifts they’ll expose

I tried hanging garland, Oh what was I thinking, my light strings are broken they’re no longer blinking

cat ornament

I chased them outside tried to clear out my head, they came back in soaking wet jumped on my bed

What if St. Nick dares to come bearing gifts, they’ll ambush his sleigh from behind the snow drifts

Busting cat Kung Fu they’ll knock him out cold, one tailbone broken a fright to behold

Flat on his back splayed out under the trees, cookies and milk won’t fix his injuries

Journey cut short by two renegade cats, no toys for the children no balls and no bats

Packages strewn from his sleigh to the house, next year he’s packing a catnip stuffed mousecriminals

Ode To A Power Inverter

The usual disclaimer that I love my solar power system but my power inverter seems to have fallen victim to either myself or the elements and it just makes for good material. The metering is confusing so I’ve underlined the syllables you put emphasis on.

You once sat so proud upon the top shelf of the rack

Your spot above the batteries the leader of the pack

Then one fateful rainy night I went out to go ground you

I raised the lid and God forbid a drop of water found you

I flipped your switch there was a glitch as I dealt the death blow

That was the end can’t comprehend Be missed more than you know

You failed the test you weren’t the best now all I have is scrap

To Amazon where you belong you sorry piece of crap

I bid adieu I feel for you it just might be my fault

Made a mistake you I did break was a form of assault

Now I’m stuck and out of luck no microwave, TV

Back to the gen where I began for electricity

Wood Gathering: A Poem

At night in the woods.

Disclaimer: This is kind of a cliché poem but I had fun writing it.

Air sharp as glass, ice scraping flesh

Breath escaping in frosty plumes

Feet frozen, struggling up hill to the place where the wood lies

Snow glows bluish, dark shapes fracturing it’s crust, frozen in escape

Stillness, snow holding tightly to all sound but the travelers

Constellations assume their poses, looking back through time with patient curiosity, eyes extinguished for millenia

Flashlights swing right to left and back, searching

Pausing, putting down the wood bag; catching breath

One stands watch while the other sets to work

Listening; sharp crack, blade falling

Wood rending under blows

Load bundled, nervous glances; fears better left unvoiced

Back to light, too far away

Not too quick, not wanting to look behind

Home close, steps quicken in urgency

Silent reassurances; nothing is there

A sound from the darkness, wood flung aside, clattering

All thoughts of fire forgotten

In flight, flashlights abandoned

Stairs, porch, door flung open, in

Dawn brings light, safety promised

Door opens, cautious glance

Long shadows cast by an early sun reveal clawed tracks in the snow

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A track my husband found right outside of our trailer last winter after hearing howls “like out of a movie” nearby.

Rant Poem On DIY Solar

A venting I must go

Bought a freakin’ solar kit

Thought it’d really be a hit

Catch the sun rays from the sky

Found out different tell you why

First you have to wire it right

Clamp them hard and do it tight

If you don’t they break in two

When you strike them with your shoe

Get it all set up and goin’

Plug it in and nothin’s showin’

Check it all with a volt meter

Skip a wire and you’re a cheater

And when you still don’t get power

Throw a wrench go take a shower

Next day when you’re at it still

Find out your controller’s ill

Then redo it put together

Hope that rain’s not in the weather

Find out that your cable’s wrong

Wow this’ now taking too long

All I want is my TV

Tools all over skinned my knee

Cables came redid them all

Will my power come on at all

No of course not that’s too easy

Batteries fried and I’m uneasy

Check the RV for the problem

Breakers sockets test all of ’em

Turns out that we’ll be just fine

Only use it at night time

What to do now what is next

Send the comp’ny email text

Hit the troubleshooting checklist

At the bottom and now I’m pissed

What the fuck did I do wrong

That I can’t turn my lights on

Feel so mad like I’ve been jerked

Bought a gas gen cause it works!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Halloween On The Range

It’s not the same anymore.

Keep in mind that Halloween is my absolute FAVORITE holiday ever, when reading the following poem. It’s just not the same without the trick or treaters and the huge display we used to have.

Last year I had the bright idea to light torches and walk down our driveway past the neighbor’s house in celebration. They called the sheriff.

Then, because the real estate agent had given them the code to our section of the larger property, they opened up OUR private gate and trespassed onto our land with the sheriff. He found nothing amiss. She claimed her “children’ had been frightened by the torches. They were teenagers. The same ones who almost shot us. Poor poor babies.

When the real estate agent found out, she was livid and they paid a little visit to the neighbors. I paid them a little visit also. 🙂

With that said……

Halloween on the range

Where the trick or treaters stay far away

No sweets handed out

Ain’t that what it’s about

No decs to put out on display

Halloween on the range

Where the generator stays on all day

Where we don’t decorate

None can see for God’s sake

What’s the point with the dust and decay

Halloween on the range

Where we tried to partake our own way

We lit up a torch

“Scared” the teens on their porch

Called the law trespassed our property

Halloween on the range

To us it’s just another day

Where we don’t celebrate

Cause who’d participate

We just wait for the next holiday

 

 

 

How Many Is Enough?

A solar poem.

One two three four five six seven eight

How many solar panels does it take?

Nine and ten and eleven and twelve

Now you’ll have to buy some shelves

Thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen

This is really getting extreme

Seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty

Quick the generator’s empty

 

 

Why Am I Blogging?

More reflections on blogging two weeks in.

Lately, I’ve been asking myself exactly why I started a blog. Just a searching query of myself to help define my position as a blogger and to clarify present and future goals. This is what I came up with:

  • I love to write
  • I feel compelled to write
  • I want to chronicle my life’s history and events for my future progeny and anyone else who might give a shit
  • My life has been very interesting and quirky and I want to share that with others
  • I need a job
  • It’s the perfect way to avoid folding my laundry and doing other things I don’t want to do but should do
  • I love humor and want to make others laugh in the hopes of becoming popular (to be cross referenced to the “popular” bullet item down the list
  • I hope to make money eventually (refer back to the “I need a job”) bullet
  • I’m an artist and I want to also share that with people on a totally unrelated blog
  • I’ve been told I should write a book God knows how many times so this is my compromise
  • I want to connect to others in my predicament….er, life situation so I don’t feel so alone
  • I want to be popular (who doesn’t?).
  • I want to be very honest about my life, myself and my problems in the hopes of making others realize it’s OK to be flawed=human
  • It’s good therapy because I suffer from depression and “getting it out” helps and writing distracts my mind
  • I like to write poetry. Never thought I’d see the day
  • Sometimes living off the grid can be lonely and this is my way of connecting outside of my world

Touching base on a few things. Humor: I like to try to emulate the guy who wrote A Christmas Story. The way the story is narrated in that movie is hilarious. And it’s a classic. That type of storytelling resonates with me. Taking every day events and describing them in comedic terms. I’m going for that sort of approach in my more humorous posts. I don’t know if I’m being successful.

Honesty:  I’ve been in jail, but not for long but I wrote that poem about my stay at the Issaquah Hilton (as it’s affectionately called) while I was there. That was one way I coped during my five day stint.

That’s an example of just being straight forward with people about my life. I’ve learned from past experience that honesty tends to help people feel more comfortable in opening up. A means to connect in our humanness. Kind of like swearing (in my case) immediately tells you a person is cool. I believe most of us tend to hide those skeleton in the closet aspects of our lives. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. I think it must be a relief to some to just be able to talk about it. I really hope that being honest with (most) of my life will help others to be more “OK” with themselves.

Story telling. Boy do I have some whoppers! I used to live next to Sonny Bono in Palm Springs. I was walking a dog one day when she got bit by a rattlesnake at Sonny’s front gate and I had to take care of her nine puppies while she successfully recovered at the vet. That was a few weeks before our house burned to the ground.

That’s just one example of what I have to tell.  The unbelievability factor is strong with this one. I’ve debated with broadening the scope of my blog because I have so many stories not just off the grid but from my life. Still considering.

I started out with a little traffic with my blog and then it tanked. Of course I asked myself what happened and have been reading the “how to get more traffic” and doing some research. I need to promote. Been busy; working on that one. I made a “Stories” Facebook page. I need to learn  more about the advertising thing. I don’t want to turn people off with a bunch of ads on my blog but that’s the way things are. Ads make money for people including myself.

I looked at some other homesteading/off-grid blogs to see what others are writing. I think I’m hoping to set myself apart with the eccentricity. Off-grid stories with a twisted. 🙂

I come up with all sorts of random thoughts throughout the day that I think will make good topics. I know a little bit about writing but I mostly write based on my experience as a reader. That and just throwing whatever is on my mind as it flows into my posts.

Well, I’m yawning again. Time to go back to bed. I woke up super early when I heard a sound outside. We never knew what was out there at any given moment while we slumbered – until recently.

We got a super cheap but really cool surveillance system the other day. We want to keep and eye on what kinds of wildlife are active around here, including Asshole, our cat. Or what was getting into the occasional bag of garbage we carelessly left outside the front door at night. Last night we saw a stray cat come around on the surveillance monitor after we went to bed. It played with Asshole! We never would have guessed.

There are wolves in the area too that left paw prints in the snow last winter around our trailer. We’re hoping to get those on surveillance too and post it on Youtube and make a million bucks. 🙂

Good night and good morning to you.

Another Dirty Poem

A different point of view.

As much as dirt gets in my house

On the boots o’my lovely spouse

It really is so magical

I can make a shiny ball

Holds my maters fast in place

Is my cats main bathroom space

Chocolate topping on the earth

To our food it does give birth

Holds our metals gems and rock

Guards the gold I must unlock

Is the perfect playground toy

Whether you’re a girl or boy

Gives your lawn a place so sit

And your house and other shit

And there is no doubt about it

Really just can’t live without it

Although in it I must dig

Keep it out of my new rig!